FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Q: Nobody pays money for short animated films. They are a trivial wart on the ass of the human storytelling tradition. How does Chris Harding make a living?
A: Marble quarry.

Q: What software does Chris Harding use?
A: A good question! Finding the right combination of computer programs is the most essential ingredient to telling a compelling story. The subjects of film, music, design, color theory, figure drawing, theater, poetry, history, and fiction-writing are dangerous distractions. Avoid the temptation to study them.

Q: How old is Chris Harding? What about his family? Is he a handsome devil?
A: None of your business.

Q: Who is Lester Sussex?
A: Lester is our Vice President in Charge of Helpfulness. He runs the day to day operations here at the Chris Harding Web destination. If you want to contact us, he's the guy to get in touch with. Chris Harding himself can often be difficult to reach, especially during downward strokes of the manic-depressive fun ride.

Q: How long does it take to make a cartoon?
A: A loooong time. It is a horrible, tedious process. Do not try it.

Q: Where does Chris Harding get ideas for stories?
A: Easy! There is a simple formula, originally worked out by Richard Feynman:
(Notice how exciting the climax gets when T=8MeV!)

Q: How much of the information on this page is true?
A: All of it, except this sentence.

BIOGRAPHY

Chris Harding was born and raised in Tucson, Arizona. It was a happy childhood. As a boy, he was taught to draw by the Choctaw People. He attended the University of Arizona, where he studied first engineering, then illustration, then 9-ball. For four years he published a daily comic strip in the Arizona Daily Wildcat student newspaper.

As he was graduating, his comic, Feet of Clay, was picked up by Universal Press Syndicate for distribution. At the exact same time, he got a job at a very large greeting card corporation. After a year of doing both jobs, extreme creative burn-out set in. The comic, which was mediocre to begin with, started to suffer. And since delivering newspapers pays better than publishing comics in them, the strip was quietly put to sleep, much to the disappointment of at least 6 fans.*

Around the turn of the century, Chris Harding and two geniuses, Chad Strawderman and Jeff Barfoot, founded a studio called Goldhouse Creative. They produced some promising work, but the project was put on the back burner when the three partners found themselves living in three separate cities. Since arm-wrestling had been the main method for resolving creative differences within the studio, the physical distance pinched off their output considerably.

When he was much too old to start learning new things, Chris Harding developed an unhealthy interest in animation and film. Lacking any formal training, he does not have the slightest idea how to animate properly. But he considers it the most beautiful art form ever invented. As they say, "once you do it frame-by-frame, you’ll never be the samey-same" ...or... whatever the hell they say...

In the last five years, Chris Harding has written and animated a handful of shorts. His most recent film, Learn Self Defense, has played in over 100 film festivals world-wide, and won several awards. You can follow the hideous gestation of the newest work in progress here and in the production log .

 

BIOLOGY

Chris Harding is from the desert, and is most comfortable in temperatures ranging from 85-115º Fahrenheit (29.5-46º Centigrade)

He is cold-blooded— not in the sociopathic sense, but in the sense that, like a reptile, he cannot generate his own body heat. Each morning he must lie on a hot rock, absorbing solar energy for several hours before he can participate in society.

Chris Harding consumes four times his own weight daily. He subsists on a diet of caffeine, caffeine, processed meat, caffeine, and cheese.

He can grow to heights of 6'3" (190 cm) and weigh upwards of 188 pounds (85.25 kg).

 

QUALITIES CHRIS HARDING HAS IN COMMON
WITH THE GRIZZLY BEAR

1. Chris Harding hibernates through the winter.

2. If you feed Chris Harding, he will become a nuisance.

3. Do not come between Chris Harding and his young.

4. Chris Harding shits in the woods.**

5. It has been demonstrated that for a small bribe (a biscuit, some health insurance...) Chris Harding can be made to perform humiliating acts that are against his nature. He does not understand why anyone is interested in these performances, but his masters have evidently figured out many ways to persuade people to pay good money for the show. Sometimes the hand that feeds Chris Harding smells tastier than the crumbs it holds.

6. If Chris Harding ever develops a taste for human flesh, they will have to put him down.

7. Chris Harding hunts alone.

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