I Was Walking Between Two Madwomen

February 8, 2012 - posted in sundries


If you work where I work– that is, in a giant complex– you sometimes walk through a long concrete hallway to get in or out of the place.

And Friday, as I’m leaving, I end up between two women who are walking probably 25 feet apart from one another down this hallway. And picture that I’m just exactly halfway between them. Each of them is talking on her cell phone, and I can hear both conversations equally well (that is, poorly). One of the women has an earpiece, or an implant, or was perhaps not on the phone at all. Both are loud but unintelligible. Plus: I have (disclosing this only because it’s relevant) just finished reading a chapter of Infinite Jest on the toilet. (try not to picture) Not to mention: I’ve taken a fair amount of Advil Cold & Sinus that day.

So I’m here to report (for your information??) that the effect of hearing two simultaneous, gibberish phone conversations echoing around a concrete hallway with a head full of David Foster Wallace and pseudoephedrine is as close as I would like to come to experiencing a schizophrenic hallucination. A nice little taste of madness to end what was already a pretty loony week.

Once home, it was pizza and Two-Buck Chuck, neither of which made me feel even temporarily insane.

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