American animator and cartoonist
Chris Harding is from the desert, and is most comfortable in temperatures ranging from 85-115º Fahrenheit (29.5-46º Centigrade)
He is cold-blooded— not in the sociopathic sense, but in the sense that, like a reptile, he cannot generate his own body heat. Each morning he must lie on a hot rock, absorbing solar energy for several hours before he can participate in society.
Chris Harding consumes four times his own weight daily. He subsists on a diet of caffeine, caffeine, meat, and cereal.
He can grow to heights of 6'3" (190 cm) and weigh upwards of 2000 pounds (909.1 kg).
Q: Nobody pays money for short animated films. They are a trivial wart on the ass of the human storytelling tradition. How does Chris Harding make a living?
A: Marble quarry.
Q: What software does Chris Harding use?
A: A good question! Finding the right combination of computer programs is central to telling a compelling story. The subjects of film, music, design, color theory, figure drawing, theater, poetry, history, science, and fiction-writing are dangerous distractions. Avoid the temptation to study them.
Q: How old is Chris Harding? Does he have a family? Is he a handsome devil?
A: The answers to these and other trivia questions are "Yes ," "-14," and "The Battle of Lexington."
Q: How long does it take to make a cartoon?
A: It seems to take a very long time. It is a horrible, tedious process. Do not try it. I beg you.
Q: How do you get ideas for stories?
A: Easy! There is a simple formula, originally worked out by physicist Richard Feynman:
1. Chris Harding hibernates through the winter.
2. If you feed Chris Harding, he may become a nuisance.
3. Do not come between Chris Harding and his young.
4. Chris Harding shits in the woods.*
5. It has been demonstrated that for a small bribe (a biscuit, some health insurance...) Chris Harding can be made to perform humiliating acts that are against his nature.
6. If Chris Harding ever develops a taste for human flesh, they will have to put him down.
7. Chris Harding hunts alone.
EXAMPLE 1 :
Children at birthday party
Billy: “Sally, would you like another piece of cake?”
Sally: “Does Chris Harding shit in the woods?”
Billy: “And how! Here you go, sweet-cheeks.”
Telephone call between animator and a executive
(executive has animator on speakerphone)
Executive: “Our numbers are in the toilet! Could the public be hungry for something besides the same old pabulum?”
Animator: “Does Chris Harding shit in the woods?”
Animator: “That means yes.”
Executive: “OK, Let's throw in a monkey side-kick. And have the elephant do a rap! Kids love that! We'll run it by the focus group on Friday so I’ll have some graphs and figures to back me up and I won’t have to be responsible for making a judgment.”
Animator: “…I’m thinking of killing myself.”